My How the Mighty Have Mommified

I’m meeting a friend for dinner and drink(s) in Milwaukee on Friday.  Why in the world is this of any interest to anyone? you ask.  Well, hey, good question.

I’m meeting a friend for dinner and drink(s) in Milwaukee on Friday and I have nothing decent to wear.  I have a pretty okay wardrobe in size 6-8.  I mean, Tom and Lorenzo won’t be featuring me anytime soon, but I could always cobble together a presentable ensemble.  In my current size of: Not-Even-CLOSE-to-Losing-the-Baby-Weight, I have virtually no wardrobe.  Luckily, we’re not going anywhere terribly fancy, just delicious! (TOTALLY not gonna help with that baby weight thing.)

I’m meeting a friend for dinner and drink(s) in Milwaukee on Friday and I have conflicting feelings about it.  Yes, feelingS, plural, about a casual dinner with a friend.  In my past life, those feelings would be easily summed up as: Yay.  But NOW…  Now I feel overly excited because an evening out is such a rare occurrence for me.  And I feel guilty because I’m leaving my husband home alone with the kids all night after leaving him home alone with the kids all day and that can be a lot for one person to handle, especially one person who hasn’t experienced that yet.  And I feel annoyed because I have to figure out how best to work the feeding/pumping thing without disturbing my tenuous supply or exposing my friend to my pump-clad breasts… again.  That’s a disproportionately large amount of feelings to have about a laid back meal with a friend.

I recently read a book called As Good As I Could Be, by Susan Cheever, and it contained this passage:

“To say that having a baby changes your life is a great, great understatement.  Having a baby explodes your life and you may or may not be able to find your old self among the pieces.”

It rang so true that I dog-eared it, in a LIBRARY book, so I could maybe remember to write it down somewhere or something (now I have this great feature instead).  It’s more than pumping and babysitters and weight loss.  It’s a total upheaval of everything you had come to know yourself to be.

Sometimes I get bummed about being boring now.  Sometimes I don’t want this responsibility anymore.  I want to give it back.  I think, I don’t want to be a mom today.  Which you’re totally NOT supposed to think in this society where we are all striving to be the BEST mom.  I think, I used to be fun.  I could have a night out drinking any time I wanted one and blow half a paycheck on cowboy boots.  I could put time/effort/money into my appearance.  I could make plans and decisions based on my own wants and needs.  And most of all, BEST of all, I could SLEEP when I was tired and relax when I was sick. 

Sometimes I truly long for those days.  A coworker tells me they spent a lazy afternoon watching non-cartoon movies on TV, and I am a puddle of envy.  I look at the lives of the people I know who have no children, more money, or both, and I notice the fun things they are up to.  I wonder if they feel kind of sorry for me and my comparatively tedious life.

But I have impromptu 7am dance sessions with a very eager partner.  I am a pirate, a froggy, and magical hurt-healer all in one day.  I know the divine bliss of witnessing a first-ever belly laugh.  I have sustained human life beyond my own for a total of 79 weeks of pregnancy and 12 months of nursing (and counting).  And on Friday night I’m having fajitas and mojitos and I might just get a bit tipsy.  I might even order dessert.

This is a life full of color and motion.



3 thoughts on “My How the Mighty Have Mommified

  1. you are never tedious to me. you still are a number hit on my fun people list and you still make me laugh. – I love your life of color and motion

  2. Your kids are so beautiful Steph and WOW do I remember the whole “should I buy these cowboy boots” discussion. I think that I could recite that whole conversation…lol

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