My Kids Are Overachievers

My posts about the way that Corbin excels far beyond his peers at drool production got me thinking, my kids are really ahead of the curve in a lot of areas.  I mean, yes, Lola’s language skills (except pronunciation, lol) are pretty stellar, but what’s the fun in academic achievement?  I’m all about the talents that people don’t usually brag about.  For instance:

– Corbin is a master of pooping out of his diaper.  I know this is a fairly common skill in men his age, but what sets him apart is that he is also highly proficient at timing those poopsplosions for precisely 10 minutes AFTER I’ve gone through the whole routine of wiping him only with water, letting it airdry, and applying the lotrimin to his latest yeast rash.  That’s impressive awareness and bowel control.

– Lola surely earns the trophy for most complex sentence uttered while one’s mouth is ENTIRELY STUFFED with food, and I’ll tack on a tenacity award for repeating that sentence at least 3 times (after I continuously ask her “huh?”) without actually swallowing the food.

– Corbin has recently impressed me with his ability to fit his ENTIRE fist into his mouth.  Sure, there’s some gagging involved, but he makes up for that slight embarrassment with his superior slime production all over said fist.

– Both of my children have a real talent for evading the waterproof pad that I now keep on my couch to prevent more damage to the upholstery.  Try as I might to position it well, they are experts at finding an exposed area of couch to pee (Lola) or regurgitate (Corbin) on.

– Lola is a master in the art of conquering many attempts at childproofing.  Baby gates? Easily scaled.  Cabinet locks? Swiftly disassembled.  Storing things in a place too high for her to get to? No such place exists.

– Corbin shares a capability with many for peeing on Mommy while getting his diaper changed.  But his gift is in the genius way that he manages to pee on Mommy TWICE in one diapering.  See, after he pees the first time, he knows my guard is down, and THAT’s when he REALLY lets it go.  Now that is pretty highly developed planning for a four month old.

 – I would put Lola’s strength up against any bodybuilder when it comes time to wrestle her into her carseat so we can leave Grandma’s house.

–  Lola also wins the Iron Stomach Award for her ability to eat candy or cereal, no matter how old or dirty, without batting an eye.  She recently ate an old m&m out of the bottom of the garbage can!  In a related impressive act, she once licked the handrail in the monkey house at the zoo.

I could go on, but really, I know how everyone hates to hear people gloat about their gifted children.  Just one more:  Corbin rolled over yesterday.  I know, how ordinary. 🙂

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10 thoughts on “My Kids Are Overachievers

  1. When my son was little, it was always such a nerve-wracking experience changing his diaper. You try and be as ready as possible, so that things are exposed as little as possible, but he somehow always managed to wait until just the perfect moment and get my pants covered in urine. My daughter, on the other hand, rarely peed when having her diaper changed. Such a rarity, in fact, that I had no issue changing her diaper on my mum’s couch. Of course, that was going to be the time when she peed everywhere.

  2. My son has the awe-inspiring, unfailing ability to step directly in my dirt pile when I am sweeping, no matter which room I’m in or how far away or how much OTHER PLACES IN THE HOUSE he could be. Though, to be fair, my dog also possesses this ability so maybe it’s not that geniusy.

  3. im literally cracking up. and reading this to other people in my office. man, in 5 years those kids will be able to take over the WORLD!

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