How to Steal Your Kids’ Stuff

You probably paid for it, you might as well get some use out of it.  Furthermore, sometimes you’re in a pinch.  Especially because you probably spend more money and time on stuff for them than stuff for you.

– Baby powder: It’s a great dry shampoo.  I KNOW I’m not the only mother who sometimes struggles to find time to shower as often as one might otherwise like.  I was hanging in there until Corbin came along.  And then I started researching dry shampoos.  I did buy one when I had a good coupon.  Want to know what works just as well?  Baby powder.  And since you’re not supposed to use it on babies anymore because they’ll die or something, feel free to take that one that some well-meaning aunt who isn’t aware that she was CONSTANTLY PUTTING HER CHILDREN”S LIFE IN DANGER got you for your baby shower.  (I’m just kidding on the baby powder = death thing, but it is warned against these days.  I never even questioned why.  Inhalation or something.)

– Your daughter’s hair accessories: They will work in adult hair too.  Sure, MAYBE that hot pink clip with the scotty dog on it wasn’t the BEST choice for work today.  But people will just think you’re fun and whimsical.  Or they’ll know that you stole your daughter’s hair accessories.  Either way, your bangs aren’t falling in your face anymore, so who cares.  Maybe you’ll start a trend among your friends.  (Ditto for those Hello Kitty bandaids.)

remember this trend? (photo from here)

– Little baby spoons: are EXCELLENT for reaching in a narrow jar containing small food items.  I use them all the time for capers. (Mmmmm, capers.)  I don’t know how I got the capers out of the jar before I had kids.

– Boppy pillow: makes a good neck pillow.  Especially when your crabby baby FINALLY fell asleep on you and you must now spend the next hour or two stuck in that exact same position on the couch, or risk waking the little banshee sweet bundle. (Its shape also makes it easier to pick up with your foot because it will inevitably be on the other end of the couch from your head.)

– Artwork:  All of those crayon scribbles and coloring pages and other artistic works can be turned into wrapping paper.  And while you’re just happy to not have to spend money on wrapping paper, the people who receive the gift will be all “oh, how precious!” Suckers.  You can also turn the paper into a gift bag.  Here’s a tutorial using 12×12 scrapbook paper, but you can use your kid’s paper just as easily.

Image from

– Baby oil: gets rid of sticky residue.  When you buy something and it has an annoying sticker on it and you can peel off the sticker but not ALL of the adhesive? Baby oil.  When you go get bloodwork and they use the world’s stickiest bandaids, the cloth kind that leave gooey stuff on your skin? Baby oil.  When you want to test drive a new tattoo by using a temporary one (Bonus!  Another thing to steal from your kid!) and then you can’t get it off and you’re embarrassed?  Baby oil. 

When you get really advanced you can start figuring out ways to use your kids’ stuff to turn a profit.  You wouldn’t believe everything you can do with crayons or old board books.


5 thoughts on “How to Steal Your Kids’ Stuff

  1. I also poach change from the Spiderman piggy bank when I am out and know I have to pay a parking meter somewhere. I always replace it but always feel guilty taking it nonetheless. I’ve discovered Swiss francs and Irish coins in there too for some odd reason.

  2. Baby oil also works well for making your legs look hot for date night. Assuming, of course, that you have time for date night… or to shave in the first place. And even if you had time for those would you really waste it going out in heels when you could stay home and sleep? But yeah, it does make your legs look sexy.

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