I’m NOT pregnant!

I’ve been sick for a couple of days now.  I can’t describe the sickness, really.  It’s not a cold, and it doesn’t really feel like the flu.  It’s a general feeling of nausea and exhaustion.  Which has now prompted at least 3 people to say, “Maybe you’re pregnant.”  They think they’re so funny.  They each say it with this look of amusement on their faces. 

“No,” I’ve assured them, “Not unless the baby is going to be born in a manger.”

But then all of a sudden they all started to get to me.  OMG, what if I AM pregnant?  That actually is the kind of sick it feels like.  This is what I look like every time I say or think that phrase:

large head

Except, well, human.  ish.

My baby is four flippin months old.  I can’t imagine being that sick again while dealing with an infant and a three year old.  More importantly, we really and truly no joke CANNOT afford another kid.  That would be reallyscarybad news.

And then I talked to Brian about the facts of the matter, and I realized that I’m not pregnant.  It would be next to impossible.  I would say completely impossible, but I don’t want it to sound like a dare or anything.

Thank God, right!?  But…I guess it wouldn’t have TOTALLY sucked (she said sheepishly.)  See, I know deep down that we can’t have any more kids.  Not unless we win the lottery.  And since we don’t PLAY the lottery, the odds of that are not very good.  And really, I’m super sad about that fact.  When I visited my cousin in the maternity ward last week, walking down the hallways nearly brought me to tears.  I’m sad that it won’t ever be my turn again.

I know.  I could seriously NOT handle another pregnancy anyway; pregnancy is not kind to me.  And y’all have probably noticed that I’m a bit overwhelmed by TWO kids.  But what it really comes down to is money.  That makes it extra crappy, too.  But that’s the way it is.  If by some miracle we are able to finally get some luck in that regard that isn’t BAD luck, we will MAYBE be able to start catching up.  We will NOT be able to afford another child.  Period.

Bottom line is: it’s a REALLY good thing that I’m not pregnant, especially right NOW.  But a totally shocking catastrophe is the only way it would ever happen again for me, so my maternal side had a brief moment of being bummed that this isn’t that catastrophe.

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16 thoughts on “I’m NOT pregnant!

  1. Congratulations and I am sorry, at the same time.

    I remember when I was pregnant with Sidrah, we were kind of sort of trying to have a second kid, but when my coworker asked me if I was feeling sick because I was pregnant, I had this total feeling of NO WAY JOSE that would be dreadful. And then I was, and I was really excited. It was a weird feeling.

    I stopped having that longing feeling about babies now. I think I’m officially broken. And if people think I’m pregant, it’s just the shirt. It’s not me.

    • I REALLY hope that that longing feeling stops for me eventually. I’m sure as my kids get bigger it will go away, right? It better.
      Yeah, Corbin was a surprise. But Lola we tried for. For 2 weeks. Then I changed my mind. But I was already pregnant. And even though we had been trying, when I got that positive test, I was like “crap, what the Hell did I do!?” lol.

  2. Your photo made me laugh 🙂

    Also, a month or so ago I had the thought that I could possibly be pregnant again. I was 99.7% sure that I wasn’t, and 99.7% sure that I didn’t want to be–not yet, not for a few more years, but somehow that .03% that I could be made me smile. That’s CRAZY! What’s that about!?

  3. I’d have five if we could afford it. But we can’t so I join you in the two kid boat. All I can tell you is it does get easier when the little one gets older. You actually sleep and get a life back and you can do a lot more stuff with the kids that you couldn’t before when you were tied down by naps and feeding. Maybe you are subliminally telling yourself you need a pet bush baby? The photo is so funny.

  4. Point of interest, stress can cause symptoms of both nausea and exhaustion. I walk on the anxious side of life. 😉 I have totally been there before with the ‘panic -excitement – disappointment/relief/confusion’ thing too. Hang in there!

  5. LMBO well I’m glad you’re not pregnant. It’s too bad that so money of us have to decide not to have more children based on our bank accounts. I plan to find a way around them because not having more children is not an option I want to face. Hope you feel better soon.

  6. Aw, well it’s always kinda sad to say good bye to that possibility, but on the other hand when your existing littlies are old enough to get themselves up, dressed, switch on the tv in the morning and pour their own cereal, as I always say, don’t ruin a good thing 🙂 Can’t imagine being back in the days of getting up several times a night, I think the exhaustion would kill me!!

  7. My pregnancies were fraught with extreme drama, miscarriages, hospitalizations and premature deliveries. We mutually agreed that we would stop temping fate if we got through the second birth. About 3 or 4 months after baby #2, I was folding bed sheets with my husband and announced that since the most recent delivery seemed so easy (ie. no NICU for months after) we should totally get moving on the 3rd baby of my dreams. He looked like your critter picture and fled from the room, returning half an hour later to announce that he had just made an appointment with a urologist for a vasectomy….he was cutting his balls and cutting me off. It was a mixture of the sads and relief. That second baby will turn 11 in a few months and I now wonder how in the hell we would have afforded a 3rd (especially with the unforeseen economy going down the shitter) and how I could have been able to keep things straight with a third one. I would have figured it out, I guess. But once you are done with bottles and you throw away your diaper genie, the clouds part revealing rainbows, unicorns and butterflies. And then they learn to make their own breakfasts, take showers, do laundry and let you sleep in. Now, just seeing a really pregnant woman makes me all itchy and nervous. The “what ifs” will pass from you and that is when the fun part really starts.

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