None of your beeswax is over here!

Wanna hear me rant about something that really makes me mad?  Well, you’re in luck!
FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY, WHY are people who are not related to me or my baby (and by this I mean to include you and your baby, and anyone not reading this and THEIR babies) so concerned about our childcare arrangements!??!  This makes me mental to a degree that I am having a REALLY hard time restraining the F-bombs (it’s an official  word now, btw) and other profanities.  So, here is a proclamation:
When someone you work with, or live near, or are otherwise somewhat friendly with but not related to tells you they are expecting a child, among the first things you have to say about it should NOT be “Are you going to keep working full-time afterwards?”  Or, in the case of my male coworker, “Does your wife work full time?  Is she going to keep doing that?”  Because first off, it’s none of your fucking business.  And second of all, you don’t IN ANY WAY resemble someone who is just curious and making conversation!  You much more closely resemble what you are: a judgy busy-body who is overly self-righteous about the welfare of children that aren’t yours.  And when I say you shouldn’t say that within the first few hours, I am being very generous.  More likely, you shouldn’t bring it up at all.  NUNYA!
Furthermore, the next person who makes a VERY VERY POINTED show of asking me in an obnoxious manner, “so, who watches your kids while you’re at work?”  Or even better, “Do your babies go to DAYCARE?” said ALWAYS in church lady fashion, I am going to probably tell you to go to hell, and possibly kick you in the shins.  Or, if I’m feeling magnanimous, I might just give you one of my fave Scrubs quotes: “If you’re looking for your beeswax, none of that is over here!”
My childcare situation requires a long explanation, anyway, that, lets be honest, you’re not at all interested in.  I work full time.  So whatever answer I have for your question, you’re just waiting for it to start so you can shame me.  (For the record, I work 4 days, so Wednesdays I’m home, Fridays my mom watches them, and Mondays Tuesdays and Thursdays they go to daycare partial days depending on my husband’s school schedule.)  My favorite is the other day when someone at work pulled that, “So, who’s watching your kids right now?”  (Seriously, is there a way for that sentence to NOT sound obnoxious?) And I responded, “Their dad.” (I left off the “asshole” part that I wanted to add at the end.)  I SWEAR TO GOD, her face fell when she realized she couldn’t give me that judgy “your poor, unloved kids go to daycare because their parents don’t want to make time for them” face.  But without missing much of a beat, she then said “Oh, he’s unemployed?”  I am not lying, this conversation actually happened. At this point I should have just stuck out my tongue at her and walked away, but instead I said, “No, he works nights.”  You ASS!
Now, I don’t work full time by choice, believe me.  I would LOVE (literally, more than anything else I can think of) to be able to be home with my kids more.  But I also would love to be able to provide food and shelter and the occasional fun outing to my kids.  And if I stayed home, we would have to be on government assistance.  And boy would THAT be a fun time for those same judgy-pants who don’t want me working.
But even if I did WANT to work full time at a fulfilling career, or at a gas station for that matter, there would be many good reasons possible for this, and I would still be raising my own damn kids.  Some women actually enjoy having careers.  And it makes them happy, healthy mommies.  Which is of course good for their kids!  There are myriad good things about moms having careers.  I won’t extol them right here, because this post is getting out of control already.  But also, daycare isn’t the devil!  GASP!  Lola engages socially there; she learns things.  From her letters, to how to sit quietly for circle time, to what happens if you stick your finger in someone’s face when they don’t want it there (It gets bit.  Last week.)   Etcetera.  (Okay, in the future I will try to do a piece on Good Things About Working Moms and Why Daycare Can Be Great, because I don’t have much space left here after my hysterical ranting above.)
So to sum up: presumptuous jerks should stop inquiring judgementally into the childcare arrangements of parents whose lives are none of their business.  Not least because IT IS IRRITATING THE EVER LOVING SHIT OUT OF ME!  Plus, you’re likely to fall off your stupid high horse by constantly trying to stick your nose into all the business down here among the rest of us.  And with all the parents staying home, good luck finding someone to bandage your stupid face!

10 thoughts on “None of your beeswax is over here!

  1. I think the first thing you say when somebody says they’re having a baby is “Congratulations!” and possibly follow it up with a hug, but I’m kind of old-fashioned that way.

    As a completely disinterested outsider, I think your kids look pretty darn healthy and happy. And anyone who presumes to ask some kind of judgmental personal questions that really are none of their beeswax should expect some judgmental personal questions in return.

  2. I hate that people are so damn judgemental about each other. But I’m wondering how much of your irritation is really caused by your guilt about your current situation more than someone’s actual judgement of you?

    I’m so sorry you feel so judged (and I SERIOUSLY don’t mean that in a snide way). That sucks. If it helps at all, I, for one, couldn’t care less about your child care arrangements. You gotta do whatcha gotta do.

    • uh…I maintain that when speaking to a woman, who is at work, and whom you barely know (I don’t even know these people’s NAMES, nor do they know mine), saying Hello, followed right away by “So are your kids in daycare right now?” is not a polite way to make conversation. Like, the fact that that is the first thing on their mind is indicative to me that THEY have feelings about it that they can’t help but project onto me.

      Also, asking of every single parent-to-be (and also when people report that other people you’ve never even met are pregnant) within the first day “so, are you going to work full time when your baby’s here?” is, once again, showing a huge and uncalled for preoccupation with YOUR thoughts on OTHER people’s childcare. Not to mention, this particular person usually follows that questioning up with “usually women don’t want to work once the baby comes.”

      The fact that these are not people talking with you at length about parenting, but rather, semi-strangers who don’t ask anything BUT “where do you send your kids while you work?” is not innocent, unassuming chit chat to me.

      But honestlly, I could be off on that. I’m not ruling that out. Still pisses me off though!

      • I am picking up what you’re putting down now. I guess I missed the part about you not knowing these people. (Sorry) I was trying to put myself in your situation and it was hard to be sympathetic when I, myself, have asked the same question of people (i.e. “Who is watching your little ones?). But I knew these people! I wouldn’t even consider asking someone something like that if I weren’t familiar with them, nor would I care to know the answer. The only reason I have ever asked in the first place is out of curiosity for future reference; I might need to know what my options are some day. Anyway, I totally get ya now.

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