Bittersweet

So, I realize this is sort of a common theme in my posts. But I can’t help it, it’s on my mind a lot. I’m pretty sure the word bittersweet was invented for parents. I can’t think of anything that more perfectly illustrates that word than raising little ones.

I just added a new quote to my quotes page. (P.S. I also added one from Benjamin Button a while back, which I love and you should all read and love too, then watch the movie cuz it’s my fave.) Anyway, one of my favorite authors is Barbara Kingsolver, and I stumbled on this on the Internet last night:

“A first child is your own best foot forward, and how you do cheer those little feet as they strike out. You examine every turn of flesh for precocity, and crow it to the world. But the last one: the baby who trails her scent like a flag of surrender through your life when there will be no more coming after–oh, that’ s love by a different name.”
― Barbara Kingsolver, The Poisonwood Bible

And it is perfect.

Corbin is getting older every day (duh!), and sometimes I feel like I just truly can’t bear it. It’s going to be like any minute now that I don’t really have a baby anymore. And we’re quite firm in our decision that there won’t be any more on the way. And then what? I don’t want to not have a baby. Corbin just started giving sloppy, open mouthed kisses. This is too good to give up!

I didn’t feel this way with Lola. I guess because I knew we’d be having another. But now? Now I rock him and I see us here at the precipice, where he’s still baby-like in many ways, but he’s losing it FAST. And I feel almost panicky, like I have to HURRY and figure out how to stop this from happening and it’s all rushing through my fingers and I can’t keep any of it.

He got his first haircut this weekend.

How do so many women do this? And even claim that it is BETTER as they get older? I mean, I can see the things that are fantastic about the older kids. But how do you not feel your heart crying inside your body when there are no more warm fuzzy little heads to rest upon your chest and nuzzle under your chin?

And more importantly, how do you stunt their development just enough? So that they’re relatively well adjusted, but never want to move too far away from you.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Bittersweet

  1. I don’t think you can stop them. Kira has started potty training. By herself. I tried not to let her, but at the same time I tried not be obvious about it. But there she is, and some days she’s waking up dry. It’s just a matter of time. Sigh.

  2. Awwww.

    I am the only person in the world who can’t WAIT for them to get older. I see the way Emilia behaves and I think, why can’t Sidrah act more like that? When will she go from wild child to sane? I love the times Sidrah is cuddly, but the truth is, it’s not often.

    You know what I miss? That new baby smell? Man, that is good stuff.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s