First week down, about 13 years to go

 

Lola’s first day of kindergarten.
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It all went well. We got there early. Which wasn’t the best idea actually, because it meant we had to stand longer in a crowded, sweaty gym waiting for the whole ribbon cutting thing (this is the school’s first year at this location.) I was super hot and impatient. All the other parents were reverent, and I was totally whining and rolling my eyes. And then again it hit me, like when Lola’s 4K teacher told me she was “emotionally immature and doesn’t take direction well.” I am not a good example!

Parents cried. And gave me weird looks when I was just relieved to be finally getting out of there. Lola was happy and excited, I was late for work, and I just didn’t feel terribly emotional. And then I felt like a broken mom because of it.

Corbin cried though. Because he wanted to stay too. He kept incorrectly saying “best day of school” instead of “first” day of school. So when he found out we had to leave there was a lot of sadness. “I want my best day of school ever!” Aw.

When I went to pick Lola up, I was a little more maternal. Standing waiting for her to come out, I had a little more time to ponder the milestone. I can’t believe how big she is. What happened to this girl?:
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She came out with her teacher. She was happy but dead tired. Same the next day. Happy but tired at pickup. (Same the next day at drop off too, with Corbin insisting that he stay for his best day of school ever.) By the end of day three she told Brian she doesn’t like school anymore. And my heart sank. I hope it’s just that it’s an adjustment for her, and she’ll come around. Because I’m looking forward to this journey with her (I’m also wracked with anxiety, don’t get me wrong.) I want her to make good friends and enjoy learning. So great, another thing to stress about. Because let me tell you, I’m stressed.

I’m so afraid that we are going to be bad at this and everyone’s going to know I’m not a great mom. I already feel like her teacher knows I’m a basket case. I’m already That Mom! Ugh. I don’t know, honestly, whether my craziness and ineptitude shows through already, or if I just THINK it does. I hope I’ll get a better handle on it. I want to be the good mom with the good kid!

And I want Lola to like school and make good friends. I think she will.