Wednesday

– The kids are very trying today right from go. What with this being The Year That Winter Arrived Late, I blame it on a prolonged cabin fever period. Mostly so that I don’t have to waste too much energy blaming it on myself. I just can’t take that today.

– Brian has been doing that oh-so-hip “what’s that on your shirt?” thing with Lola. Where then you like poke the person in the face or whatever. I hope you know what I’m talking about because I don’t know how the hell to describe it. Anyway, she’s not as slick. She just says to me, “Hey, look down!” Then does it. Followed by, “Do you want me to do that again?” Well of COURSE I do, sweetheart! Who wouldn’t!?

– Corbin’s ENT visit is today. This speech delay business is for. The. Birds. Everyone I talk to tells me something different and I feel so frustrated by it all. Today we paid another $40 copay (after $160 on last week’s appointments) just to hear that I need to see, yet again, someone else. (Our audiologist appointment is next Wednesday.) But not before spending 50 minutes in a waiting room with my cranky one year old. Come on, doctors! I can accept that you can’t keep from making a one year old wait for an hour, but porcelain tchotchkes on low tables!? Really!? In the end, my only relief is to allow Corbin to turn the screen on my phone on and off while listening to it beep. When I am finally distracted by the Dr, he starts putting it in his mouth, and I am VERY grateful to notice early, because the whole reason I have this junk phone I hate is because he drooled on my other one and it was irreparable.

– The revolving door of kids’ appointments continues with Lola’s first trip to the dentist. Yes, her first one; I’m the worst. Thank GOD this is a pediatric practice. Kid friendly waiting room! They tell me they want to take her back by herself which, on the one hand, I can just chill for a bit and flip through a magazine. But it’s hard to relax, because I keep hearing muffled cries and wondering if that’s my kid.

Lola, it turns out, was a superstar. Her parents, on the other hand, are abject and total failures. She has cavities. I have all I can do not to cry from shame right there in the dentist’s office. And that’s BEFORE they tell me it’s going to cost about four hundred dollars.

– Later, on the way to the grocery store, I have to stop at the bank. And since I have a very special talent for always picking the slowest moving drive thru, I get lots of time to think about financial issues. I’m trying so hard to keep us on financial track, and it feels like it just gets harder. And as I try to estimate how much a hearing test and ear tube surgery will cost, I just feel like we’re never going to get to a stable place. Every time I do the math, all I come up with is that childcare costs and medical bills will never equal an amount we can actually afford.

– So basically I’m crabby. And then I notice the personalized license plate of the guy in front of me. It says “MIDLYF”. Since the car is red (well, maroon, but still) and a convertible, I can only assume this is a reference to this being a midlife crisis car. And all I can think is, “Who the hell has a Toyota as a midlife crisis car!?” Seriously, I don’t care how sporty you think this particular Toyota is, it takes a special kind of lame and boring to call this your midlife crisis car. But then, it is also most likely someone with a very responsible financial stability. I’m honestly not sure which one of us I want to be.

– The grocery store is cheering me up a little (now who’s lame and boring!?! Touché.) There’s a cute kid with a press on mustache. And a guy who looks about 20 dropping groceries left and right because he’s probably much too cool for a cart. It makes me laugh. And as I check out, with my target budget this week of $85 in my head, I watch the total creep up and up. And I stand there stressing, thinking we probably didn’t need the BIG jar of peanut butter or the yogurt puffs. But then she starts ringing the coupons. And all the hassle of those things (“should I buy the name brand cereal if it comes with a free gallon of milk?” “Is the expiration date on the milk far enough out for us to actually drink the whole thing?” “What is the actual difference in price per ounce for this brand with a coupon vs. the generic?”) pays off when I ring up at $84.76. 🙂

– So I’m feeling pretty good. But I should know better. I go to check the time on my cell phone. It’s ruined. Probably water damage again from Corbin’s drool. And now? I quit. Can I please quit? This whole being an adult thing? Or at least the getting by on a very limited income part of it? I just keep failing at it and I’d like to quit now. But then I’ve got Coach Taylor in my head* talking to Matt Saracen:
You know how many people depend on you to make good decisions? You better stop being so damn selfish and stop feeling sorry for yourself!

– Do you know who couldn’t care less about financial issues? Lola. She’s just excited to unload the groceries. And when I hear her squeal with delight, I turn around to see her hugging, of all things, a can of olives. With the happiest face in the world on. And I laugh like a crazy person.

– so I’m finding the bright side, though. Because that’s a thing I’m trying to do more often. And…all this stress about money leaves me with no mental energy to get down on myself about never having time to clean and organize my house properly! So, yay. Also! Lola ate her dinner tonight! Even the pork! You have NO IDEA what a big deal that was!

–
*I suspect Eric and Tami Taylor will be in my head a lot these days. Not least because:

Ok, you might need the full awesome, man-molding, wife-supporting, daughter-cherishing, upstanding, character-inspiring Coach Taylor experience to fully appreciate the picture.
But also, they are just the kind of people I wish I was.