Mini Vacation

So last week we took a little mini family trip. Last Christmas, my sister was lovely enough to give our family a gift card to an indoor waterpark hotel instead of toys we don’t need. So awesome. The weather report was not good, and I was kind of crabby, and I wasn’t sure how all this would go.

And then it was all perfect. 🙂

When we got there, Lola was pretty eager to go swimming. If you can’t tell:

The waterpark was just perfect for our family. The little kid area was easily accessible, super warm, and fun and safe for Corbin while still being pretty fun for Lola. The lazy river was plenty long. And the big tube slide was a ton of fun! Lola and I couldn’t get enough of it. Corbin got bold enough that he was enjoying the little kid slide section almost independently; he cried at me every time I tried to hold his hand. I was too worried about my camera to bring it, but I wish I could have.

We considered making dinner in our room because it had a full kitchen, and I was worried the attached restaurant was full of overpriced, mediocre food. But it was getting late and the kids were exhausted, and we took our chances with the restaurant. And it was great! Very good food, the best cornbread we’d ever had, and the kids even behaved pretty well!

There was also a cute little arcade. Where Corbin’s favorite game was running up the stairs and down the ramp and up the ramp and down the stairs. I barely got a chance to even play a little skeeball!

So Corbin and I bailed because it was getting late. Which was fine with him, because running down the long hallway was the next best thing, I guess. Although, we apparently didn’t tire him out enough to prevent him from waking up at FOUR A.M.!

Everyone there was so very friendly, and it was just wonderful. Lola hit the waterpark again in the morning while Corbin napped. And then, when we were ready to go walk around Main Street, the weather decided to cooperate! We couldn’t have asked for a better day. We did a little shopping. Which mostly involved us quickly going through stores and noting all the cute stuff we’d love to come back and look at someday WITHOUT small children in tow. We had a fantastic lunch at a restaurant I love!

And then went for dessert. Three words: Salted. Caramel. Icecream!

Then it was really time to head home. Corbin needed a nap. And I decided to take Lola to a movie. Do you think she had a good time?

Okay, maybe ONE thing’s better.

I’ve said it in the past: people tell you that your kids getting older just gets better and better. And I never really believe them. (In fact, I think there are a lot of little lies surrounding parenting that people continually spout hoping they’ll be true.)

Well, yesteray my four year old was my personal lotioner. Yup, I got out of the shower and she put lotion on me while I plucked my eyebrows and put product in my hair and etc. It was kind of awesome! I was running late, so I would have probably skipped lotion otherwise. Now, she has her own methods that are a little …unorthodox. She insisted on lotioning up my belly button pretty well, for instance. But still. Kind of a fun part of the growing kids thing. Now just wait until they’re old enough for my husband and me to go see a movie, and I might just be singing the praises of how much better it is with older kids.

But I doubt it, because I just ran across this picture:

And about curled up on the floor and cried. Not because I look like that (give me a break, I was minutes out of a med free L&D.) but because I don’t want to be done with that!!!

And since I got an adaptor that allows me to easily put photos on my iPad, here is some more evidence of what a lucky lady I am.

The Mom I Want to Be

I just read Bossypants and loved it. I know that’s just the kind of well written, entertaining hook that’s going to keep you reading this blog. “Wow! She enjoyed a wildly popular book that seems exactly like something she’d like!” Anyway, for some reason I ended up thinking about Tina Fey: She’s probably one of those awesome moms who just cherishes the crap out of every minute she spends with her kids and is just nothing but enthusiastic about mothering.

I regularly swear I’m going to be that awesome mom. And I do cherish the crap out of my kids. But I can never achieve that state of spending all of my time with them just adoring being with them.

I sit at work and I think about how awesome they are and how much I love and miss them. But sometimes I also think about how much I miss being able to sleep like a normal person, or go see a movie with my husband. And sometimes I’m with them, and I think “ugh, I wish these kids would just go away from me for a while.” And then I think, “YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO THINK THOSE THINGS!!”

I really want to always be kind and encouraging. I never want to lose my temper or be indifferent to their hurts. But alas, I’m just not always the best mom. I think part of the problem is that I allow myself to think too fondly of my Life Before Children. And also, total selflessness is just something that I don’t seem to have the capacity for. I want to be able to sit on the couch and surf the net when I’m sick, dammit!

To be honest, I do a similar thing when it comes to my husband. Away from him, I think about all the great stuff he does, and the sacrifices he makes, and how much I love him. And then I walk in the door to a messy house and crying, hungry kids who watched TV all day and I just feel frustrated and annoyed. I’m not proud of these things. I want to be a better mom/wife. But this is the way it is.

So every so often, I make a commitment to enjoy all of it. To have endless, boundless energy and patience so that I can be delighted and delightful. And every time I fail. But I have my moments, too.

On Monday (Christmas Eve), I worked all morning. In my dressy skirt and sweater because I was feeling festive. And then I came home and had to bake and take care of the kids while Brian ran some errands. And when I pulled the cake out of the oven, I realized the kids really needed a bath. In which Corbin splashed and splashed like a maniac while I tried to keep my hair/makeup/clothes looking nice for the party that evening. Until I couldn’t take it and pulled him out of the tub. Where he ran around while I tried to get a diaper on him, constantly worrying whether the little puddles were from his splashing or from him peeing while still naked. He then was DETERMINED to play in the toilet no matter how much yelling and redirecting I did. Until I wound up standing in my bathroom in my dress clothes and apron, a wet little Corbin running around whining beneath me, balancing on one leg with one foot holding the toilet shut while I bent over and tried to rinse the shampoo out of a squirmy Lola the Mermaid’s hair.

And you know what? I laughed and enjoyed myself. I was stressed and exhausted (I OFTEN find myself thinking “I just really can’t keep doing this!” Only to discover that, in fact, I do keep doing it. Always.) But also delighted at these fun little people.

But by tonight or tomorrow I guarantee there are going to be at least a few minutes where I think “Jesus just stop being so difficult! If you whine one more time I’m going to lose it!” And fantasize about not being responsible for anyone but myself. So if any of you awesome moms out there have some super advice for how to stick to just the cherishing and the encouraging, send it this way. I REALLY want to be that mom!

Wednesdays #8

– Lola is always being some animal or another and insists that you refer to her as such. Like if you call her Lola she says “you mean Kitty!” This morning she is GiGi the Elephant (oddly, sometimes she’s Ella the Giraffe, but she insists she doesn’t have those names backwards) and I get many lessons in elephant behavior. “Did you know elephants can do a flip?” “Do you know elephants can wipe themselves?” Turns out elephants are really similar to four year olds.

– I don’t even bother turning on the radio in the car anymore because Lola has to talk about EVERYTHING! Some of my favorites from this ride: “What’s that big sign? Oh, it’s a truck. What’s that big truck for?” It carries cold things, honey. (it said cold storage or something.) “Cold things? Like penguins?”
And
“There’s garbage. That’s the dump. That’s where papa likes to go.” oh yeah, does he take you with him sometimes? “Yeah, but today he’s at Florida. Looking for a very special playhouse for me.” (My dad’s in Florida looking at possible vacation homes.)

– If it’s Wednesday, Corbin’s visiting the pediatrician! This is his one year well visit. He is 20lbs 12oz (25th percentile), 30 1/4″ (75th), and still has a big noggin (85th.) He takes all the poking like a champ. But it is nerve wracking when once again the Dr runs down the list of “Does he do this?” questions and I have to keep saying no. Pick easier questions next time! Also, when he investigates the inside of Corbin’s mouth, I secretly fear that he will find Oreo remnants, and I’ll have to get a lecture or a visit from CPS or something.

– Do you want to know how many times lately I’ve sworn up, down, and sideways that I’m going to spend the day getting my house really clean and then not cleaned at all? Well, I’m sure you do; I mean that’s the kind of fascinating info people are dying for. But I couldn’t tell you because it’s too many to count. Corbin is napping and Lola is occupied and what am I doing? Relaxing and procrastinating. I suck.

– Then there’s a rather boring and painfully long sequence where Lola feeds her baby doll in Corbin’s highchair while I sweep and scrub our hardwood floors and keep promising Lola I’ll make her lunch as soon as I finish. Don’t get hardwood floors! Dear god the dust and the crumbs and if I actually wanted things to be even remotely decent I’d be moving heavy furniture every other day. If you already have hardwoods…they really are beautiful aren’t they? Almost enough to make them worthwhile.

– I finally get Lola some lunch, and she has suddenly decided that one of her favorite lunches is now too yucky. 😦 I try being a hardass about it, but nothin doin. So I wolf down about half of it before I realize that it would be awfully nice to have something to feed to Corbin when he wakes up. Of course, it’s also grocery day so I have nothing else to give her. String cheese and applesauce counts as lunch, right?

– It’s then time to head to a meeting at my old alma mater to hear my (grim) prospects for ever completing a potentially employable degree while working full time and having a family. And the best thing I can say about how that went is that I got to catch Smells Like the 90s on 102.1 (Better Than Ezra? Gravity Kills? Good stuff!) I walk the halls with all the 20 year olds, reliving some of the worst parts of my life, and somewhere in the process I lose my only pair of sunglasses. Great.
Wouldn’t it be awesome if the degree I already have was useful in any way? If anyone has a job for an English major, send it my way.

– Brian and I are discussing the grocery list, and Lola’s offering helpful suggestions. It goes like this: Yogurt, Crystal Light… “Ice cream sandwiches!” Etc.

– My mom got Corbin this really cute farm set for his birthday, which it turns out Lola doesn’t like to share. This is what it looks like when Lola plays with the farm:

THIS is what it looks like when Corbin plays with the farm:

This is what Lola looks like when Corbin plays with the farm:

Forgive the horrible image quality. The camera on this very expensive iPad is the biggest piece of trash I’ve ever encountered.

– Just one more thing. Lola uses well/good appropriately and I love it. She says, “You didn’t do it very well,” for example. How many adults do you know who would use “good” there? Of course, she also said at dinner, “Ketchup is more better than Branch [that means Ranch dressing].” So I’m not getting too high and mighty yet. 🙂

I might be raising a monster

Holy crap my son is terrorizing my house!

So, at first it was cute; he wanted to play in the Tupperware. We locked up the cleaning supply cupboards and let him putz around. He moved onto the pots n pans cupboard, and we had a cute afternoon of him and Lola sitting in the kitchen making “soup.”

Then I had to lock up the Pyrex cupboard. Glass is less adorable to play with. Oh, and shoot, we better lock up the cupboard with the food processors, sharps! This was getting less cute. It’s not cute when you have to pull locks off the cupboards every time you want to take out some crackers or a bowl, or worse, when you want to throw something away. And that damn sweet baby wants to be held all the time, so you’re trying to unlock the cupboards while completing everything with only one hand. Let me confess, there has been more than one time that garbage piled up on the counter until there was enough to bother unlocking the cupboard for.

Then he found the toilet.
Every. Single. Time. The opportunity comes up- slap, slap, slap- little crawling hands and knees making a beeline for the toilet. He wants to splash in it. He wants to float his bath toys in it.
He wants to chew on the remote controls. He wants to push all the buttons on the cable box. He wants to disassemble every nightlight he can find. He wants to tip over the humidifier EVERY DAY! He wants to dump out my purse and toss the recycling around the kitchen and fondle all the kitchen utensils and he really, really wants to eat Lola’s Polly Pocket doll who is now always missing her head.

I haven’t been able to take a peaceful morning shower in months. Even when I lock up the cupboards, I have to find something to put on top of the toilet. And then I often have to take most of my shower with one foot up on the tub side holding the curtain closed to prevent Corbin from opening it up and getting the floor all wet, or throwing stuff in. My favorite was when he finally got tall enough to reach the wastebasket that we had been putting up on the back of the toilet. I peeked out of my shower to see Corbin sitting amidst the garbage sucking on the insides of a Butterfinger that Lola had tossed in there (probably because the kitchen garbage was locked up) after eating all of the chocolate shell off. I totally finished my shower before leaping to action. Don’t judge.

I lament to my mother that I don’t think it was this bad with Lola. She assures me that it was, and briefly my mind flashes back to the time I found Lola using the cup I rinsed her hair with in the tub to scoop up toilet water and drink it. But here’s Lola’s slightly-less-monstrous distinction: Lola wanted to play with everything and anything. If she was getting into something really bad, I would just distract her with something else fun, and she would move on. Corbin is obsessed!

He wants whatever inappropriate plaything he wants and he REALLY wants it. Not some poor substitution. Not his new foam blocks. He wants Lola’s hairbrush dammit! And he has a bit of a crying fit when he doesn’t get it. And I now worry like crazy about what kind of tantrum throwing brat I might be raising.

But the worst part is- sometimes I cave! Too often! I just can’t take the crying anymore, and if letting him dump out and crush every last dixiecup means I can actually both wash AND rinse my hair today, well, what’s the harm? If letting him chew on the remote this time means I get five more minutes of peace at 5am, well…..no one tell my husband on me!

But I’ve got to figure out a better strategy. Because this morning I let him rifle through the bathroom cupboard until he found the nail polish. But then when I tried to stop him, he flipped. So I got ready for work with my knees pressed firmly against the cupboard doors while Corbin threw a fit. Because he had experienced the glory of digging through my old curlers and biting on hair dryer attachments and now he would not. Be. Denied!

What am I gonna do with this kid? Seriously. Someone tell me. Because tantrums are something with which I will not put up. I’m just not cut out for that crap.

The best part about that picture is that I actually put the pasta back in the box and back into the cupboard! Just so Corbin can play with it next time. I’m such an enabler.